Heinz The Wonder Bass

Erika with Heinz - Summer 2000

Heinz during his brief period as Toothless Wonder Bass, December of 2003.

Heinz in the fall of 2004. Rosewood fretted neck was installed by Horace Kwan, mysterious man of the East.

Heinz The Wonder Bass This bass has had a life of its own, full of mysterious journeys and even a frightening period during which the poor bastard hung in a Guitar Center. In late 1999, I began to really want another Stingray and I was also wanting another fiver so it made sense to combine the two desires. I called Imperial Guitars in NY since they had a big shipment coming in - these basses were hard to get at one point. I asked him to send me the best player, no matter what color it was. "Take 'em all out, play 'em and send me the best of the lot." The salesguy called me and told me the best of the lot was a translucent green model - was I sure? Well of course I was sure. I pictured translucent green as some sort of Granny Smith apple color. Little did I know! So the first time I opened the case, which would have been in early January of 2000, I was - how to put it? - a little surprised by the color. And throughout Heinz' life with me - although actually, now I should say "lives" - other people were, I suppose it's fair to say, equally surprised by the color scheme. On the Dudepit, the world's most fabulous group of bassists (now defunct, thanks CBR!) , Heinz became an icon of sorts. There were those who hated Heinz outright and became visibly upset upon viewing photos, while others loved Heinz and in fact ending up buying Stingray 5 string basses after either playing or reading about Heinz. He has power, old Heinz. I guess you'd have to say that Heinz became the closest thing we had to a mascot. And through all the trades and deals and purchases and sales, Heinz was the one bass that I always thought of as non-negotiable. I was stuck with Heinz, and he with me, mostly because it was a damned fine bass, but also because I doubted anyone else could defend that color. And so it went for a few years. Over the summer of 2003, I'd gone back to playing a lot of four string, so Heinz wasn't getting as much action as he once had. (For two years, I hardly played anything other than Heinz!) I had also developed a real thing for rosewood fingerboards, and had picked up a couple of other Stingray Fivers with rosewood....and Heinz sat upon his stand, ever the icon but not so much a main player anymore..... And one night, while chatting with a bunch of other crazy bassists, it occurred to me that it was just TIME for someone else to take care of Heinz, to be the caretaker of this lunatic looking thing that played like crazy. And that, I believed at the time, was that. Heinz had some adventures! He served his country briefly and had some scary experiments performed on him by a mad Army scientist. (Thus the fretless board you see in one of the above photos.) Then he was traded away - oh, the horror, the horror! - for an actual six string guitar - at least it was a Telecaster. The Tele Trader took Heinz to (yes, it's getting worse before it gets better) a GUITAR CENTER along the Eastern Seaboard. I don't know what he got for poor old Heinz, but that's where Heinz was hanging when he was rescued by some who knew the story. So again, Heinz was briefly owned and then sold or traded away to Horace Kwan, a nice fellow I know from the Dudepit. Horace took Heinz in and eventually found the fretted rosewood board you see in the latest photos above, which were actually taken by Horace. And so it went. Horace and Heinz got along fabulously for the better part of a year, which is a very long time by Dudepit Bass Whore standards. Then one day in September of 2004, I received an email from Horace. He was looking to make some changes - would I be interested in re-acquiring Heinz? I had just sold a fabulous Stingray 5, thinking the money would go towards a single pickup Bongo, but there it was - fate, destiny, kismet. Heinz was for sale and I had the money. I did what you would expect me to do. Heinz came back home and I again figured that was that. It was not. In March of 2007, the King of Stingray 5s, Andrew Norton, aka Dr Stankface, was busily acquiring all the SR5s he could find. I thought this was an excellent approach. Andrew had played Heinz at my 50th Birthday Bash and was, of course, in love. Everyone except Sterling Ball ("That's the ugliest finish we've ever done") agreed that Heinz was exceptional, and I think even Sterling has a soft spot in his heart for the bass (I could be wrong). I was in serious trouble, wanting a 20th Anniversary SR5, unable to fund one without selling something. Andrew thought Heinz would be a welcome addition to his stable, and this enabled me to finish funding the 20th Anniversary SR5. Heinz was off to Alabama! And there he lived for over a year. He was part of a great stable of Stingray 5s. But eventually, Andrew had to sell some things (in order to buy other things, I assume) and Heinz went on the block. Unaware that I might be interested in having Heinz come home to Texas, my good buddy Rex in Long Beach purchased Heinz from Andrew. Before Andrew shipped the bass, Rex and I struck a deal. Rex would take in trade the Blue Bomber Bongo, which I had actually acquired FROM Rex a while back (see how convoluted this can be?) and Andrew would ship Heinz directly to me. God bless you, Rex. And so in May of 2008, nearly a decade after buying the stupid bass, I once again had Heinz at home with me.    Then my friend Magnus in Sweden began to bug the crap out of me about Heinz. This was less than surprising.  Magnus has ended up with more than a few good basses that I once owned.  I suppose he figured, "Why not Heinz?"  I fought the good fight for a long time, but then things started happening.   Bongo things. I realized that I (of all people) didn't have a Dargie Delight Bongo, and there is no way that can be right.  Some wheelin' and dealin' got underway.  In the end, I eventually ended up with a Dargie Bongo 5 HS (from Magnus) and a DargieBongo 5 H, which I got from Jason.  I do not remember the details.    Magnus with Heinz, somewhere in Sweden, August 2009.